When in Rome
Changes in fashion are a good thing. I wore a sweater
over a longer shirt the other day, with the shirt hanging down, showing
beneath the sweater. I could not have done that when I was a kid - I would
have been seen as sloppy or untidy. When I was a kid, I wouldn't have
considered going to a shopping mall wearing shorts or a tank top or wearing
a hairstyle that looked anything less than neat and tidy. I would not have
gone into church without wearing a hat or scarf. It was just not done. Not
in my culture, anyhow.
But now, it is fine. Times have changed.
Yet it's still an adjustment; a part of me resisted the
longer shirt thing. I had to redefine "sloppy".
I can only imagine how hard it must be for someone moving
to a new community or a new country where the culture is different. A
visitor from another country came into my house a while back, and he had to
look at his friend to see if it was customary here to remove his shoes when
he came in.
It's the little things. We often don't know just how
wired we are into our local customs and upbringing. A shirt hanging below
the outer sweater. Take the shoes off or leave them on. It can be a
minefield for those who need to acclimatize themselves to a new place. And
the customary practices aren't limited to fashion. There are social graces
in some places that are hard to navigate. For instance, in some cultures,
when a guest is offered food, he is expected to refuse - but then he is
expected to allow himself, after quite a few refusals on his part and
coaxings on the host's part, to be talked into accepting the food offered.
It is a complex yet graceful social ritual that is completed every time
there is a guest. If I blundered into that ritual without understanding how
it worked, I'd probably take my usual direct approach and say "Sure!" when
offered food, not knowing that I'd just committed a faux pas.
Ooops.
Moving or traveling to a new country can bring hundreds
of these little challenges every day, to the point where you might wonder if
by accepting the local customs, you are still - well, you. We like a lot of
the little customs and rituals that make up our lives. We may not be
prepared to give some of them up. Like the hat in a church. If I still
strongly felt that a hat was needed in a church, I might frown on those who
go bareheaded. I might subtly feel that my custom was superior in some
way.
That's why I love the fact that fashion rules are looser
now than they used to be.
Fast changes in fashion can make adjustment easier in
other areas. And then when adjustment comes more easily, I can begin to see
how many of my daily rituals and customs are more about my upbringing,
culture, social rules and family patterns than about a real need to have
them in place. I am more able to adapt to a new place, more able to "When in
Rome do as Romans do."
And more able to let my definition of who I am become a
bit more fluid.
Changes in fashion are a good thing ... I hear that tattoos
are popular these days.
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